- The Recorder
Piping away on a plastic recorder only serves to remind everyone of being 5 years old and forced to take part in music classes. No matter how good you get at this instrument it is still going to look and sound ridiculous. It is possibly the least cool instrument in existence.
And let’s be honest failing to play a child’s instrument is even less cool. We’re Looking At You Katie Perry.
- The French Horn
The French horn has found its way onto this list because of its ludicrous shape. Tubes all over the place, and for what? To make a sound only suitable at royal events and grand ceremonies, sorry, but that’s pretty lame. It’s one thing to be unique, it’s quite another to be snobbish about it. The French horn is out.
- The Tuba
Ok, so if you’re really, really tall the tube can just about scrape by as cool. But if you’re not a giant and find yourself dwarfed by the size of this big brass instrument then I’m afraid you’re going to be a rather comical sight. And with its funny, fat person walking sound, the tuba isn’t winning any admiring glances. You’d be better off with a trumpet than a tuba, at least the trumpet can appear in a variety of popular music genres, while the tuba just sits at the back of high-brow concert halls.
- The Triangle
Do I really need to go into detail on this one? It’s a triangularpiece of metal that you tap with a metal stick. It’s too simple to be anything other than boring and boring isn’t cool. A baby can play the triangle and if a baby can replace you you’re really not that important.
- The Rain stick
By this point you may have noticed a theme: if you played it in primary school it ain’t cool! Yet the rain stick stands out as a particularly lame instrument. Not only was a it ubiquitous during school music lessons it’s also pretty damn pointless and requires no skill whatsoever.
Any fool can pick up a rain stick and give the audience the mind blowing, life altering experience of listening to a sound that is kind of similar to listening to heavy rain. And because just anyone can do it, it’s a pretty uncool instrument to be touting. Don’t expect to too much if you decide to break out the rain stick in order to impress your next date. It’s almost guaranteed that your date will have done a runner before the last grain of rice drops.
There we just so many more, the tamberine (it’s boring and you know the association with Yoko hasn’t helped). The Bassoon, the Accordian (cool in some cultures, but really not for the most part). The Bagpipes (through no fault of there own, it’s just most people sound very bad). And so many more.
Anything you think we’ve missed? Or anything you think is even less cool than these? Let us know in the comments section?