Well, Bachelor Nation…it’s that time of year again. Time to feel better about yourself by watching this hot mess gaggle of girls pour their hearts and souls out on national TV. This season we get the privilege of gawking over the adorable Ben Higgins, previously shot down by Katelyn Bristowe on The Bachelorette Season 11.
After hearing Ben’s heart-wrenching insecurity and fear of being “unlovable,” ABC decided to let him see just how lovable he actually is by throwing 28 hot girls his way to fight for his love and attention. Not a bad move, Ben….we see what you did there.
We first meet Ben’s parents so we can get a sneak peak into the type of relationship Ben is searching for. It’s easy to see this is a tight-knit family, Ben’s parents being together for over 30 years of undying love…so…good luck meeting that expectation, girls!
Now for the good stuff. We start off the night by meeting a chicken version of a crazy cat lady…but she’s cute and her favorite chicken is too, so welcome to crazy town, Tiara! We are also introduced to an adorable flight attendant, Lauren B.; a badass military vet named Jubilee; a weirdo dentist from Portland named Mandi; and Caila, who left her ex boyfriend because she “had butterflies” for a cute guy she saw on a reality TV show.
The limo introductions are….awkward…and crazy, but you gotta make a lasting impression right? Nothing says “remember me” like showing up with a basketball-sized rose on your head or with a miniature horse. Another tactic we saw was flattering our bachelor by super creepily telling him you know every detail about his life because you’ve stalked him on social media.
Aside from the cheesy pick-up lines and Ben’s redundant compliments to the girls, we meet a gorgeous group of girls, including a pair of twins and a girl who only speaks Russian the entire episode (ooohh exotic).
By the time Ben makes it inside to start the cocktail party, some of the girls are already drunk, talking shit, and/or expressing their insecurities to the camera. Mandi is the first to steal Ben away and then proceeds to give him an oral exam…literally…..she took dentist tools out of her purse. Luckily she deemed Ben “kissable” although she suggested more flossing. Thanks for your expertise, Mandi. Olivia then steals Ben away and shows her commitment by telling him she actually quit her amazing job as a news anchor in Texas to come be on The Bachelor so she could add a little “zest” to her life. Apparently this impulsive behavior is impressive to Ben because he ends up giving Olivia the first impression rose.
Now comes Caila, and she’s adorable, but her definition of “romantic” is a bit different from mine. She proceeds to tell Ben how romantic it is that they have something in common (aww)….they both are in software sales (okay, no) and that his selling back office processing software is sexy (you lost me).
Halfway through the cocktail party…SURPRISE! Two more contestants have arrived and they are…drum roll please…Becca and Amber from previous Bachelor seasons. This is infuriating and terrifying to most of the girls because they feel that Becca and Amber have an advantage.
At this point we start to realize just how drunk Lace is. We already know she’s pretty ballsy, coming off the limo and asking Ben to close his eyes, only for her to literally steal the first kiss of the night (and the season). She starts creeping on Ben and narrating to the other girls what’s happening (all while slurring her words). She decides she HAS to do something and interrupts the conversation only to awkwardly ask Ben if she can have a better kiss. NO I WILL NOT MAKEOUT WITH YOU! Ben politely declines like a gentleman, insisting he wants to get to know her better first. Good job, Ben.
Now, it’s time for what we’ve all been waiting for…the rose ceremony. 28 girls and only 21 roses. You can immediately feel the mood change in the room as Chris Harrison steps out. Ben is understandably nervous but he keeps his cool. The Russian girl stays (uhm….what?), the chicken enthusiast and cowgirl are out, and Lace gets annoyed that Ben didn’t make enough eye contact with her, even though he gave her a rose. C’mon, girl…day 1 and you’re already jealous that he’s not giving you all his attention? You literally signed up for this! Ben seems confused over the whole ordeal, but nonetheless tries to ease her qualms. At the end of the night, we’re left with Amanda, Amber, Becca, Caila, Emily & Haley (twinning!), Jackie, Jami, Jennifer, Jojo, badass Jubilee, Lace, LB, Lauren B., Lauren H., Leah, Mandi, Olivia, Rachel, Samantha, and Shushanna (does she even speak English?).
They all have their usual champagne toast while the rose-less girls sob their insecurities to the cameras outside. Cheers!