Here it is, what you’ve all been waiting for! The ultimate, definitive list of the worst, the most heinous rock songs every written and recorded. Listed in no particular order.
1. Summer of 69 – Bryan Adams
A grown man trying to convince everyone he was really cool during High School, pretty, goddamn lame if you ask me. And apparently they were the “best days” of his life. The guy needs to move on.
2. Blue Öyster Cult – Don’t Fear the Reaper
Monotone singing combined with overly long and uninspired solos. This song is just really, really boring. That and the fact that the song is now just as known for that “more cowbell” skit says a lot.
3. Deep Purple – Smoke on the Water
To be honest, I don’t hate the song, but hearing that goddamn riff played over and over by hundreds of crappy wannabe guitarists has ruined it for me. Forever!
4. Joni Mitchell – Big Yellow Taxi
Urgh! Hippies! This annoying little ditty needs to get off its high horse. And what is all that high-pitched laughing about at the end of the song? It’s creepy. “More folk than rock” I hear you say. Yes, but it’s so annoying I couldn’t resist mentioning it.
5. Green Day – 21 Guns
What is this song about even? It’s full of meaningless platitudes as far as I can tell. If you can explain it to me, please do so! What is more, it’s really rather dull to listen to. There is none of the punk energy that made Green Day a success. It’s monotonous, humdrum and repetitive.
6. Creed – Higher
Well, the entire genre of post-grunge was not one of highlights in rock history, so it should be no surprise to find one of it’s highest selling acts on this list. Creed offers top-notch artificial angst. A pale ghost of the bands that inspired them, Creed is bloody awful. Any (or all) of their songs could be on this list. I picked higher because it epitomises the crap that this band produces: meaningless, self-important, egotistical lyrics with uninspired musical backing.
7. Nickelback – Something in your Mouth
Just like Creed, any one of Nickelback’s songs could be on this list. They are a caricature of a rock band. This particular song also happens to be ridiculously sexist as well as being synthetic sh*t. And we know ripping on Nickleback is just too easy these days, but they sort of need to be here.
8. Linkin Park – Given Up
Because any band that uses “I’m my own worst enemy” as a lyric in their song deserves to be shot. This song is the most self-pitying piece of crap I’ve ever heard. “I’ve given up, I’m sick of feeling”. Dear god! Not only that this entire album really started what was the downfall of a great act. We understand that they needed to move with the times to some extent. But, the minutes to midnight album came across as whiny and uninspired by comparison to their 1st two albums (not counting reanimation). There are a number of reasons for this of course, not just that Hybrid Theory was so long in the making. But, still that’s no excuse. This is poor.
Disagree with my choices? See you in the comments section. I’m sure we’ll find a few to add that way as well.